It Happened to Me
On Monday, I got laid off from my job. My relationship with the organization spanned across 10 years. I walked into their offices when I was 19 years old. From that first day, I knew I wanted to work there. And so I did.
In my time with the organization, I accomplished so much. In fact, I would say that I was unstoppable. I shined and I shared the light with others. I was relentless in my pursuit to make the organization better. I was a fierce advocate for my work, my colleagues, and the young people I worked for. I still am.
I saw the signs. I won’t go into great detail, but I could feel my work being deprioritized. I kept adjusting my body of work and trying to meet a moving goal post. I thought, if I work hard enough - if I advocate enough, it will be okay. I did everything I could.
In fact, I did everything right. It wasn’t enough to save me. Although I understand the decision, I never thought it would happen to me.
I’ve read the news. I’ve seen the #opentowork posts on LinkedIn. I’ve heard it happen to other people. I was in denial even as it was happening to me.
I got the meeting invitation, and I knew my fate. I prepared a list of questions to ask. In the moment, I only had one - why me? I didn’t get to ask it. In the span of 25 minutes, I was told about the lay off, meant to process my emotions, understand my severance package, and ask relevant questions. Instead, I cried.
Everyone says the same thing - don’t take it personally. “It’s not personal.” But it is. My work is personal. I wasn’t just working for an income - I was doing it because I believed in the mission and I believed in myself. I spent all of these years there, because I was investing in my future.
I’m not bitter. I’m too heartbroken to be bitter. My emotions are all over the place. One moment, I’m glad and hopeful that this is a blessing in disguise. Another, I’m devastated and scared for my financial security. This is trauma. This is a traumatic experience - one that I have to grieve. But where is the time? In this economy?
I got laid off three days ago. Here is a list of what I’ve done and what has helped me:
Called my friends and family - They reassured me and reminded me of my worth. They checked in on me, reminded me to eat, and listened when I needed to vent.
Updated my resume - I couldn’t control the lay off and the ramifications of it, but I have full control over my resume and how I present myself. Writing about my work and experience made me feel like I was taking back what belonged to me.
Reached out to my network - I reached out to colleagues (past and present) to let them know what they meant to me. I was shocked by the number of people who were supportive and wanted to help.
Read and re-read my severance package - I went through it. I had a lawyer friend go through it. I made a list of questions and scheduled time with HR to go over them.
I cried - I’m a proponent of crying and letting it all out. This is how I grieve and I make no apologies for it. I think I get bonus points for going to the ocean to cry.
I don’t know if this is helpful to anyone, but I do feel better with each passing day. I’ve even applied to jobs and mustered up the courage to go to a networking event! I remind myself that I’m still unstoppable, even while I’m grieving. That doesn’t make any of this okay, but it does put everything into perspective.
And if you take anything away from this blog - I hope it’s that lay offs can happen to anyone and that they will always feel personal. Despite that, it’s never your fault. There is community in shared experiences, so if you have any tips or advice, please share them!
