The Woods Don’t Judge

I’ve been trying to write. I have started and stopped writing a dozen times in the last few weeks - about heavy feelings and hard experiences. I think I know what I want to say, but it doesn’t translate onto the page. I know what’s wrong. I’m burnt out. I don’t realize that I’m burning out until it’s too late. I’ll talk about the cause later, but I’ll share how I manage the effects.

When I’m burnt out, I can think of one thing and one thing only - escape. I focus on the idea of dropping everything, going off the grid, and starting a new life with a new name in a new location. I’m angry and insufferable until I find a release. Since I can’t escape to a new life every time I’m burnt out (yes, it happens more often than I’d like), I escape to nature.

This would be surprising to anyone that’s known me for longer than the last three years. I used to hate nature. I hated the outdoors, because that’s where bugs are. I hated dirt. I hated sand. I never sat on grass and mostly avoided walking on it. I was a suburban city slicker and I liked my brand… until my life started to change.

I started to change. I started to wear down, and eventually fall apart. I was lost in obligations and expectations, none of them my own. I was pouring from an empty cup, even when the cup broke in multiple places - I kept ignoring it. I wouldn’t stop until my body physically shut down. I couldn’t do anything I’d normally do. That’s when I thought about a phrase I heard from a mentor and former colleague, “the woods don’t judge.”

I tested the theory by taking to the woods. I walked without a destination. I walked without purpose. I focused on the feeling of the ground beneath my feet. I felt the protective cover of the trees. I remember feeling like I could just disappear into the woods and that I was completely alone - until I felt the warmth of the sun. The light found me through the trees and stayed with me the rest of the way. If it sounds like a dream, it’s because it felt like one. I found solace in nature, and felt like myself again.

And so I expanded my brand - I’m now a mildly granola suburban city slicker. I go on long walks in the woods. I find trails on weekends. I go to new states to hike new trails and spend time around mountains and trees. I own Patagonia gear. I like spending time in REI. I went camping and peed outside (a plot twist like no other in my complicated narrative).

Why does this matter? Woods and water are the only things that pulled me out of the worst times of my life. When I felt like I couldn’t move, my feet managed to find a path and take me through a trail - literally grounding me. The woods don’t judge when I’m at my worst. The woods don’t judge when I cry from being overwhelmed. The woods don’t judge as I find my way back in my body. The woods don’t judge.

There’s so much more I want to say, but I think you should experience it for yourself. Get a little lost in the woods, let nature guide you. And let’s give back to nature when we can - combat climate change and help those affected by forest fires in California and Oregon.