Breaks
Hi. I’m back. Maybe you noticed my absence, it’s more likely you didn’t. Where was I? Well, I was taking a break. Actually, I took a lot of breaks.
It started with Instagram. One day, I realized that I was posting for a reaction rather than myself. I became embarrassed that I opened myself to judgement from people who could always care less about me. I regretted giving people access to my life and I didn’t know what I was expecting or why my hopes were involved. It got to be too much, so I took a break.
My break from photography was gradual. At first, I brought my camera with me everywhere. I was always ready should inspiration strike. When I looked back at my photos, I didn’t like them. So, I took less photos. Eventually, I stopped pulling my camera out of my bag. Finally, the camera just stayed at home, and so did I.
Writing was the hardest break up. I’m typically a fan of my own writing. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I complete a piece, and a sense of pride when I know it’s well-written. It’s probably why I started a blog. I’m still proud of the blogs I’ve posted and reread them from time to time.
One of my college professors always talked about “the tyranny of the blank page.” If you can just get yourself to write something, anything, you can overcome the block and writing will become easier. I succumbed to the blank page. I took a break from the blog.
Give a break. Take a break. Breaking up. Breaking apart. There’s a lot of breaking that happens before something is broken. I didn’t think about it before. Why am I thinking about it now? My breaks didn’t leave me in a state of disrepair. I am still intact.
I am finding my way back to the things I left. It took a trip back to DC and my old life to bring me back. It started with a walk to the office, listening to my favorite podcast, in homage to the commutes of the past. I hadn’t listened to said podcast in months, because… you guessed it… I was taking a break. Immediately, I snapped back into reality.
In all seriousness, it takes an incredible amount of privilege to avoid learning about an impending war. The world doesn’t stop just because you’re taking a break. I’m still processing and I finally have the bandwidth to do so. I don’t know how to end this blog. I don’t know what I want you to leave with. Maybe that, breaks are necessary, but they’re a privilege too. Or maybe that, you have to look up to look past what’s blocking you. Or maybe it all comes back to that blank page. Here’s to finding out.
